About the reality of things

When I was a child I used to think that everything around me was done by someone special with superpowers and a bunch of rules and laws. And that if you want to do something you need to accomplish those rules and have so much experience and knowledge. But now I realize there is no such thing. Now I know that everything was done by a human like me, and that sometimes that human is not smarter than me but he is persevering and with a strong desire to change the world. Of course you need some resources, but the indispensable resources are upon you. I mean, you need knowledge, and you can obtain it without so much trouble in this wonderful age of information.
The bottom line is that now I know I can change the world and do something awesome and helpful for the mankind and at the same time I can have a wonderful life.
And that is what I want.
It took me three years to realize this, but I'm happy. I'm so happy that I can finally really, really, understand this.




As always, books have been tremendously helpful to me.

Sweet

Duérmete dulce demonio mío. Mañana nuevamente me fastidiarás la vida a cada inútil intento de alegría. Me recordarás lo inútil de la existencia humana. Nuestra inherente intrascendencia. Nuestro deseo de importancia. Me recordarás la mil y una palabras que puedo usar para describir la tragedia humana. Pondrás en mi mente el conocimiento, en mi boca las palabras, en mi corazón los sentimientos. ¿Para qué? Para desesperanzarme aun más. Pero te quiero. Eres lo único medio real que puedo sentir. Aunque no seas más que una realidad malvada.

... the bitch grips my feet...

HOW LONG WILL I LIE TO MYSELF ABOUT THE PRIVILEGE OF MY LIFE

My life is a circle
No beginning and no end
It's always repeating
...
My jail is my skin
...
Once I am trying
To follow the light then
The bitch grips my feet
Pulls me down, underneath

How far will I go to and search my respect and my pride
How long will I lie to myself about the privilege of my life
How deep will I have to fall before I find the will again
It's always repeating
The earth turns around and around
'Till I die

En casa

Han pasado muchos días desde que estoy en casa. Siento que empiezo a perder fuerza, que el peso de las creencias que aquí abundan me empieza a curvar la espalda, que mi sensibilidad aumenta y que de nuevo soy esa esponja que absorbe cualquier emoción. Esa constante sensación de inseguridad, de falso bienestar, esa esclavitud. Sólo dos días más y me iré. Anhelo alejarme de aquí.