Update

I'm the biggest failure I know, sorry mom, you deserve a better daughter. And even though I feel so bad, I keep pushing the pedal to the metal.
I'm in the bottom. I've been having failure after failure.
Complete failure.

It is safe

Six years have passed since the incident. I called it incident, other people call it achievement. How can I believe that was an achievement? First, nothing here is really an achievement, there are no achievements, there are no failures. Second, that day I was deeply disappointed, all that I wanted, all that I expected, did not happen. The level that I wanted was not achieved. Worst of all, nobody seemed to understand me. When I told my friends about my frustration, they started to say the bad things that did not happen. They wrongly made me believe that it was bad to be ambitious, that is not necessary or good to fight, that we must accept what comes and don't complain about it but look for a good detail and think only about that detail. My buried self screamed: 'that is bullshit!'. But, of course, I could not say it loud. It was going to be me saying that the big picture was shitty, against 300 people saying that there were some nice details.
The problem is that this scenario keeps happening, but at least now I have 1 person who is going to scream with me, who is not afraid to say: 'that is bullshit!'
I know that I will succeed if I take care of myself, if I take risks, and if I have my fair portion of lucky randomness.

It is safe to win, it is safe to be ambitious, it is safe to try, it is safe to fight.